think I am in denial that I have cancer. I was diagnosed with stage 2B cervical adenosquamous carcinoma in July. It was spreading quickly (poorly differentiated) and my staging process was difficult. Within a month it went something like this…
Pap test came back as HSIL–>Biopsies came back microinvasive/CIN3/CIS/AIS and unsatisfactory colposcopy–>after oncologist exam, staged with 1B adenocarcinoma, told I needed a hysterectomy–>PET scan revealed lymph node and parametrium involvement, increasing my stage to 2B, told I was no longer getting a hysterectomy and instead radiation and chemo, and can never have kids, my ovaries would even be fried after this so no egg retrievals in the future–>8 weeks of chemo and radiation, fatigue and mild nausea, 30 lbs weight loss off of my already thin frame–>here I am a couple months later feeling pretty good, had a PET scan showing no more lymph node involvement but one tiny speck left on the cervix which might just be inflammation–>pap last week (first since treatment ended) came back as atypical cells-A high grade lesion cannot be ruled out–>denial.
I think I am in denial. I’ve never let myself feel like a cancer patient. When I was sitting in chemo or in the waiting room at radiation, I always felt out of place like I was visiting, not a patient. Everyone else looked so sick. I even had a few people tell me that they couldn’t believe I was a cancer patient because I looked too good to be so sick. (by good I mean healthy, not sickly). I also don’t have any major issues since treatment, even during treatment the worst thing was fatigue. The only side effect I’ve noticed since treatment is acid reflux which I never had before and my oncologist said is probably related to the radiation portion of treatment. Its easily controlled with just Prilosec OTC. I actually feel better than before treatment. I am full of energy and I no longer have cramps and abnormal bleeding which I was always told was a result of my BC pills (I found out otherwise obviously). I feel great.
But theres a chance I still have cancer, and I’ve been told that even if I am cleared of any active cancer in my body I’m still considered to “have cancer” and I will only be in “remission” once cleared, then theres a waiting period of several years before I can say I don’t have cancer.
I just can’t seem to put the words cancer and my name together. I am totally in denial, I don’t know how I will ever come to accept that I have cancer.
Did any of the cancer patients here go through this? Did you ever accept that you have/had cancer? And if so, when did it finally hit you that you actually have cancer?
I don’t know what it is, maybe I am still in shock, but I’ve never come to accept it and it’s been over 7 months since my diagnosis.
Tagged with: after • Cancer • denial • Even • Found • months. • Patients
Filed under: Acid Reflux Treatment
Pap test came back as HSIL–>Biopsies came back microinvasive/CIN3/CIS/AIS and unsatisfactory colposcopy–>after oncologist exam, staged with 1B adenocarcinoma, told I needed a hysterectomy–>PET scan revealed lymph node and parametrium involvement, increasing my stage to 2B, told I was no longer getting a hysterectomy and instead radiation and chemo, and can never have kids, my ovaries would even be fried after this so no egg retrievals in the future–>8 weeks of chemo and radiation, fatigue and mild nausea, 30 lbs weight loss off of my already thin frame–>here I am a couple months later feeling pretty good, had a PET scan showing no more lymph node involvement but one tiny speck left on the cervix which might just be inflammation–>pap last week (first since treatment ended) came back as atypical cells-A high grade lesion cannot be ruled out–>denial.
I think I am in denial. I’ve never let myself feel like a cancer patient. When I was sitting in chemo or in the waiting room at radiation, I always felt out of place like I was visiting, not a patient. Everyone else looked so sick. I even had a few people tell me that they couldn’t believe I was a cancer patient because I looked too good to be so sick. (by good I mean healthy, not sickly). I also don’t have any major issues since treatment, even during treatment the worst thing was fatigue. The only side effect I’ve noticed since treatment is acid reflux which I never had before and my oncologist said is probably related to the radiation portion of treatment. Its easily controlled with just Prilosec OTC. I actually feel better than before treatment. I am full of energy and I no longer have cramps and abnormal bleeding which I was always told was a result of my BC pills (I found out otherwise obviously). I feel great.
But theres a chance I still have cancer, and I’ve been told that even if I am cleared of any active cancer in my body I’m still considered to “have cancer” and I will only be in “remission” once cleared, then theres a waiting period of several years before I can say I don’t have cancer.
I just can’t seem to put the words cancer and my name together. I am totally in denial, I don’t know how I will ever come to accept that I have cancer.
Did any of the cancer patients here go through this? Did you ever accept that you have/had cancer? And if so, when did it finally hit you that you actually have cancer?
I don’t know what it is, maybe I am still in shock, but I’ve never come to accept it and it’s been over 7 months since my diagnosis.
Tagged with: after • Cancer • denial • Even • Found • months. • Patients
Filed under: Acid Reflux Treatment
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